Semester Review

Coming in to Senior Lit. and Comp. I was not sure to expect and how much of a "typical" Language Arts class it was going to be. Language Arts as always been a strong class for me, although my grammar is terrible and due to my dyslexia, my spelling horrific, I understand the concepts and I enjoy analyzing writing.  I have , then, always passed L.A with flying colors but I have found here in my first semester of senior Lit. and Comp., that I am having to push myself and work hard to the grades that I want. I have seen my writing really improve due to this, and I think I am on a good road to how writing is going to be on college. But more then just seeing my writing skill's change I have found that this class has forced me to reconsider my own ideals and thoughts. When reading the Laramie Project I found that I was fighting against myself in what I believe about Matthew Shepard's murdered and about hate crimes, and some of my emotionally beliefs in my memoir.  Even though all the projects that we have done on our own, on our own novels, and topics has helped my writing skills to grow, I am looking forward to having more classroom discussions and analyzing in class next semester with Ceremony.

The Statue

by Udiah(witness to Yah)

The story's told                                                                                                                                         Of long ago
About a statue
With a head of gold
And its breast
Did silver shine
And brassness
At lower spine

Now iron did make
The legs so strong
And at its base
Was all made wrong

For it was built
Of miry clay
And reinforced
With iron sway

It stood upon sand
Which did give way
When the base was hit
By a Stone that day

The great image
Built sixty high
Summed three sixes
From its front side

And through it was
Only six wide
It bare the mark
Of beastly pride

But the beast did crumble
And was blown away
Like shaft in the wind
Forever gone to stay

And that Stone hewn
By no man's hand
Became a Mountain
Forever to stand.

What does the Fence Mean to You: The Laramie Project

My class and I finished reading The Laramie Project by Moises Kaufman this past week and my view on not only of the incident in Laramie itself, but on the effect of media in America, homosexuality, peoples hate, peoples hope, and peoples love, have grown to a broader understanding. I now find myself though, fighting what I truly believe to be the most important topics of the Laramie project. To follow my head or my heart? My head likes to swim in all the details of the crime. Was it a hate crime? Was a crime done under meth? Does it really matter is Matthew Shepard was gay? But my heart, on the other hand wants to just feel the pain and love that has happened around the Matthew Shepard case. The impact that Shepard's death around the country, in1998 and now, is quite incredible, and yes their are those who like me, that see mostly the details, and get lost in their much abundance. I do not want to be in that mind set. I wish to point out the other half of the human though, that came out in this great time of grief and confusion in Laramie, and the one train of thought I have chosen to take for now. I believe many people during 1998 began to see the bitterness that any human can have towards another, gay or not. The country as a whole at this time chose to lay down their hate and worries, and decide instead to open their hearts and let the light that this crime has shed, warm dark spots of their own hearts, no matter what the views they hold on the crime.
Right now I feel like those in 1998 that let that light in. I have my own views, and uncertain thoughts on all of Matthew case but right now I choose to let the light in. I can, along with rest of those who know of Matthew's case, let my mind take over later, when time is right. For now, I choose to be part of the peoples love.

The Laramie Project

 I visited Laramie Wyoming about two months ago to check out the University of Wyoming, and as we where leaving and driving down the long stretch of highway back to Colorado, already feeling bored out of mind about the dead landscape, we drove by a hill and my father calmly said "That was where Matthew Shepard died." My mom simply nodded her head and I looked in confusion. "Who?" I asked. "He was a gay college student that got murder up there." I thought it sad at the time but did not think much else and the rest of the drive blurred together.  But as fate would have it I am now reading the play, The Laramie Project by Moses Kaufman, that has been written on this horrific event and my knowledge and sadness of the whole incident has come into a whole light. As I read Act one, all I could really feel was disgust. I know that not all those in Laramie are against being gay, but a lot are, and those that aren't have chosen to ignore the bluntly obvious; that  a 22 year old man has been killed over something not worth killing over and it is time to have things change. I think the catholic priest, Father Roger Schmit points out the towns ignorance best. " when we did the vigil-we wanted to get other ministers involved and we called some of them, and they were not going to get involved. And it was like, 'We are gonna stand back and wait and see which way the wind is blowing.'...We are supposed to stand out as leaders...'Wow, what's going on here?'" ( Kaufman, pg.25) My feeling of the first act was just sadness and alittle bit of hate. It has disturbed me how people care more about sexuality, then life and death, what has brought humans to this?
If the youtube video does not work, here is the link.                                    

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5OoIaaRlMQ

The Wide Range of the Memoir 3

Lone Survivor by Marcus Luttrell. This sad story of Luttrell beings when he becomes a Navy Seal and becomes part of Seal Team 5 and has to go on mission red wing. The original mission was to take down a man in Afghanistan that was part of the Taliban. They where told that they would only have to fight about 10 men between the four of them to take him down. There ended being 200 against 4 and some 20 others who flew choppers for backup. They all died expect for Luttrell. Luttrell really learns to deal with his grief throughout this book and the conflict and pressure that the media put on him and his dead comrades after the battle. It truly is a story of how to be brave in times of dark and how to stay true to yourself and beliefs even when the world has seem to have gone mad.

“Eternal Father, faithful friend, Be quick to answer those we send In brotherhood and urgent trust, On hidden missions dangerous, O hear us when we cry to Thee, For SEALs in air, on land, and sea.” 
― Marcus Luttrell, Lone Survivor: The Eyewitness Account of Operation Redwing and the Lost Heroes of SEAL Team 10 (goodreads.com)

A Stolen Life by Jaycee Dugrad. This book is truly frighting and quite hard to read by the sounds of those who have. At the age of 11, Jaycee was kidnapped by a sex offender one day while she was walking to her bus stop. This man and  his wife, held Jaycee captive for 18 years, telling her that she could tell her own true name and that even when they went out in public she had to hide her identity. Jaycee lived in horrible conditions and gave birth to two girls in her 18 years kidnapped. When the man that kidnapped her was arrested for drugs, she was finally found and had the chance to tell her true name for the first time in 18 years and be free. A true story of how to just deal with the idea of never being free again, how remain oneself when one is forced to change, and how to keep faith that better times will come and that we will all be found wherever we are. Dugrad wrote the book as a rebellion against the man that kept her.

“We live in a world where we rarely speak out and when someone does, often nobody is there to listen.” 
― Jaycee Dugard, A Stolen Life (goodreads.com)

The Other Side of Heaven by John H. Groberg. The story of a young Mormon missionary who is sent to teach his religion in Tonga on the tiny island of Niuatoputapu, Groberg learns much of the difference in life in such a small place that has seems to have nothing. Groberg struggles to go into a new culture. He has much trouble learning the language, learning how to live without first world comforts (even though he grew up in depression) and just how different the ways of thinking are on the small island. Even so Groberg learns much and this novel just rings true how we need to look through the eyes of other sometimes, even those we find below us, and how if we do we will see a new light. It is now a popular film.

“There is a connection between heaven and earth. Finding that connection gives meaning to everything, including death. Missing it makes everything meaningless, including life. 
” 
― John H. Groberg, The Other Side of Heaven (goodreads.com)

The Wide Range of the Memoir 2

Let's Pretend this Never Happened by Jenny Lawson. This memoir is a mixed and match group of stories from Lawson's life and stories that she much rather just forget ever happened. Lawson sufferers from multiple disorders , severer Anxiety begin one. This mix of of hilarious short, mostly true, stories is really Lawson reflecting her life and using the writing to just accept the life that she has been given and that if you are not laughing you will cry, something I try to carry with me everyday. I hope to read this novel in future for both its obvious humor and life lessons I think it would help to teach.

“I can finally see that all the terrible parts of my life, the embarrassing parts, the incidents I wanted to pretend never happened, and the things that make me "weird" and "different," were actually the most important parts of my life. They were the parts that made me ME.” 
― Jenny Lawson, Let's Pretend This Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir (www.goodreads.com)

Wave Sonali Deraniyagala is the heart breaking story of when Deraniyagala was on a vacation whit her mother, father, husband, and two sons in Sri Lanka when a huge tsunami hit the island in 2004 killing them all expect her. The novel is really about Deraniyagala struggle with all the stages of grief that come after such horrible incident. Deraniyagala actually wrote the memoir as part of her therapy after their deaths and never thought it would become a published book. The really big theme throughout the story was that of that love never dies and love will always endure even after death. It was the reality of her love for her family and the memories her family towards her that has kept her going. 

“I am in the unthinkable situation that people cannot bear to contemplate.” 
― Sonali Deraniyagala, Wave (goodreads.com)

Code Talker by Chester Nez. This memoir is rare one for it is the one and only one about the code talkers of the Navajo Code developed in World War Two as a code for the U.S that the Japanese could not crack. It is to this day still has yet to cracked. Nez grew up on a Indian reservation in New Mexico and lives a

very hard life. When he got to the chance to join the army and fight for his country he lept for the opportunity. He was then stationed in Guadalcanal and became part of the code talkers shortly after that. The major themes of conflict throughout the story was Nez's personal internal conflict about his regional and beliefs. His religion of the Navajo people has something called "The Right Way" and if do things in the world in the right beautiful way you will be awarded. Many parts of war conflicted with this and forced to have to accept his killing and all personal guilt after war.

The Wide Range of the Memoir

The past week have listened to about  8 presentations on memoir's that my fellow peers had read in my L.A class. I gave herd a wide range of memoirs from navy seals to single dads and the women who where consider to crazy in the 1960's when little was understood about mental illness's, all the way tot the story's of starts from hit TV shows.

The first memoir that was presented to me was Girl Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen. This uplifting story on friendship and believing in ones self is about a girl who lived in the 60s is sent to a mental institute after high school after she tried to committee suicide. She doesn't believe she belongs at such an institute which she is very correct about. While she there she begins to make friends with a few of the girls at the institute and they go and live hidden lives from the nurses,  haveing fun and act freely something they are rarely allowed to do.  This novel is really about finding ones self, staying true to oneself, and trying to remain sane in world full of the insane.

"Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It's you or me amplified. I f you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. If you ever wished you could be child forever." (www.goodreads.com)


Next is Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls. This story about a girl who grew up with two other siblings in extreme poverty with their alcoholic father and unemployed mother. This memoir is really about love and even though we may hate our family and other people for the things they do, we must learn to forgive and accept them for who they are, it is the only we can make it thorough this life without falling apart. The title comes from Walls's father who always told them as children that all the moving they where doing was not permanent, that someday he would build them a glass castle. The glass castle stands for a prefect, clear skied world throughout the novel.

“Things usually work out in the end."
"What if they don't?"
"That just means you haven't come to the end yet.” 
― Jeannette Walls, The Glass Castle (www.goodreads.com)

The Last Lecture, Randy Pausch. When Paush is diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and given three to six months to live.  The novel is actually about a lecture he gave called  Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams and all the places and people he inspired with his lecture, along with his own personal stories of living his last few months of his life. He moved many people and he was an amazing person. He did complete almost all of his childhood dreams before his death on July 25 2008.

The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people.” 
― Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture (www.goodreads.com)

Two Kisses for Maddy by Matthew Logelin is the heart breaking story of how Logelin's beautiful wife, his high school sweet heart and one love, Liz, dies shortly after giving birth to their first child, Madeline, due to a blood  colt in the brain. The novel is about Matthew's struggle of dealing with Liz's death and trying to be a single dad. He takes Maddy to all the places that him and Liz used to go, learning to let her go and yet to keep her in both of their hearts.  Matthew wrote this book as his Taj Mahal to Liz who loved the beautiful building. 

"Together during the worst of times is better being alone at best of times. "(http://mentalfoodie.blogspot.com/)

5th,  American Sniper:  The Autobiography of the Most Lethal Sniper by Chris Kyle.  The story of Chris's of becoming a navy seal and becoming one of the most impressive snipers of our time. He went to the army and wanted to join the Navy Seals but he broke his arm badly causing him to get pins therefore he was not accepted for Navy Seal training. He was later called and the asked him to join. He then was stationed in both Iraq and Poland. He killed about 106 people out 255 he ever shot at. He retired and began working at a shooting range meant for solders with PTS.  He was shot and died at the shooting range by a 25 year old marine on February 12 2013. 

“Great way to fight a war - be prepared to defend yourself for winning.” (www.goodreads.com)

Lastly, Happy ,Happy, Happy, Phil Roberston. This is the story of a famous man named Phil Robertson from the famous show Duck Dynasty. It is his story of how he found happiness and how he created a family of which he could be proud of. 

“Our founding fathers started this country and built it on God and His Word, and this country sure would be a better place to live and raise our children if we still followed their ideals and beliefs.”  Phil Robertson, Happy, Happy, Happy (www.goodreads.com)

Wars we Needn't Fight; The War

War. Usually when this one syllable word is herd the average person will think of guns, wounds, bombs, politics, and other such things associated with the wars the world has fought.  Now is the time to think of some of the other wars. The wars of mind with, P.T.S, post dramatic stress, and other daily mental wars. The impact of words upon others, and the debates over the everyday actions, and then the fight of  class difference, that comes with every war and everyday life. In the movie The War, all these internal battles fought within an war stricken country, shine through.  The movie shows that while we fight great wars we also fight the small ones inside ourselves, and that sometimes not fighting will win these wars. In a touching scene within The War, when the Stephen, the father of Stu, a 12 year old boy living the south with his mom and 13 year old sister,  is told by his dad who suffering with P.T.S, the horrifying stories of the Vietnam War,  his father says with a chocked voice has he hugs Stu, "Nothing in this world is worth fighting over." At this moment Stu promises to make amends with a gang of rivalry kids he fights. It is human nature to fight, but humans do not have to fight. Every action has its consequences, so lets make actions ones of good that end the fighting, wherever it may be, for only love and understanding, will end great wars.

At the begging of The War, Stephen the father of 13 year old Lidia and 12 year old Stu, has come back from the Vietnam War and is struggling with P.T.S and the sad man he has become. The movie is written in the view of Lidia with her writing a memoir on her father. She admits that when her father first came back, her and her brother saw him as a burden. He comes back from the war and is unable to hold a job and is just not himself anymore. The children have given up on there father and choose to ignore the battle that he fights within himself, and instead they focus on their own  more obvious battles. The rivalry between the Linpnckis  a group of siblings that beat up on Stu. This ignorance of the wars begin fought in others and even of the ones in ourselves, creates the broken wars that humans fight  in all societies. Lidia and Stu fight against these other children not realizing, how because of this, they become only more blind to the truth and hurt that lies in the soul of all the children involved. By fighting, humans blind themselves to the chance to change the hurt that our battles create.

When Stephen finds out about this fighting going on between his kids and the Linpnckis, Stephen tries to sit Stu down and tell him about his blindness and that fighting against these children will only hurt all of them farther, rather then fixing their feud. Stu pretends to listen but does not take his fathers wise words to heart, instead he brushes aside  the words of a man he finds weak. As Stu walks off, Stephen says to his wife, "Boy, sometimes all it takes is a split second for you to do something you'll regret the whole rest of your life."(www.imdb.com) Stephen is referring to all the terrible things he did over seas, and all the regret that comes with those actions, and how he prays his children will not make the same mistakes. Humans do not realize how every action we complete makes a difference in someones else fate and in our own. If humans are not careful with actions, they find them selves starting a war. The regret of creating the war, of ever going through with the hated action that started it, will secretly follow the soul through the rest of its living days.  Eating away at all the hope, power, and kindness that humans have. One action, a huge reaction, and the not solving of the sideffects, leaves a human broken. Stephen is trying has hard has he can help his children to this, to see that fighting is not an answer, but a begging to a broken human, something he knows first hand.

Stew and Lidia do start to see this slowly through the eyes of the man they thought to be a pathetic excuse of a father. A man who was much wiser then he seems. He is kind, he works his hard for his family, dealing with internal battle of P.T.S  to do so, and how this  man with no hope, is bringing hope to their lives. As Stephen says "Well I don't want our kids growing up thinking there powerless because of me. Everything they do in this world has a consequence. Our children still believe in miracles. They still believe anything is possible. As long as they believe like that, they'er gonna be something. They're gonna make a difference in the world....that means I made a difference."(www.imdb.com)
Stephen did make a difference, his children began to see that fighting was not always correct. At the end of movie, after Stephen dies, Stu saves a boy who was once one of his rivals in Linpnckis and sees for the first time with clear eyes, exactly what his father had meant.  Fighting will solve nothing. Fighting for everything in is not necessary, so much can be solved if you just see the war that people fight within themselves, understand that war, and help them to clam that war. Giving to people the gift of caring and a helping hand, will do much more then punch to the nose or gun to the head. Lidia says at the end of her memoir, at the end of the movie, something that her father knew and had taught, that will stay with her always "War is like a big machine that no one really knows how to run and when gets out of control it ends up destroying things you thought you where fighting for, and a lot of other things you forgot you had." (www.imdb.com)

"Nothing is this world is worth fighting for." Empty words for Stu and Lidia that are just said by a hopeless man, changed there lives. Humans need to see this too. Though it the nature of the world to fight for things we own, humans need to realize that fighting will not solve most wars, especially those that lie much deeper under the visible layer, only love and understanding will. As Stephen said. "I think the only thing that keeps people truly safe and happy is love. I think that's where men get their courage. That's where countries get their strength. That's where God grants us miracles. And in the absence of love, Stuart, there is nothing, nothing in this world worth fighting for."

War; The Black Wall

I have never really known any one closely who had been to war. While my grandfather served in the Vietnam War, he was stationed in San Francisco and therefor spent most of his time ironing shirts and enjoying San Fran's bustling streets.  Even so all my life I have herd from and met people who did go to war, in my classes and through media.
In my 8th grade year, I went on the annual 8th grade trip to Washington D.C during spring break. On the last of our five crazy days in D.C, we took 20 minutes to go see the Vietnam Wall. At the time, I knew nothing about the Vietnam War other then that it was never actually declared a war. All I saw was a black wall.
Last year, I took U.S history in school, and we studied the Vietnam War with more detail then I have ever learned the war in.  I now can say that I believe it was the worst of all wars America has ever had to fight or live through.  The amount of innocent people killed because of the hidden soldiers among them, and the duties that American men where forced to do is equal to nothing less then horrific. Then the amount of hate that developed back in the U.S because of the media, officially destroyed all the hope that those soldiers had, and they came back broken men.
The Vietnam War did not only destroy lives, it destroyed humans chance to live with themselves. All the honor that these men thought they had, was gone after the frist troops where sent across the pacific. I hope to back  to that black wall someday and pay my true respects, for those who where involved in this war of hate and fear. They deserve the honor back that was stolen with their lives.  It would be one of the greatest gifts I could give.

Fake

I originally wrote this about a photo that was shown to me be but unfortunately, I was unable to find the photo so you just going to have imaging it, and I will do my best to give you the image through words.

If would also be kind as to lisent to this song while reading it that would be great. I was listening to it when I was writing this and it really spoke to me about this blog.

A dimly lite Subway underground. The whole background is blurred into gray shapes. A person sits unfocused to the right, back facing us. A man sits, slumped, facing the camera, with a box on his head and a drawn video game smile upon it. He too is gray, wearing a hoodie and jeans, nothing special. There is an non-blurred  pole to his left and a door to his right.  I feel loneliness, isolation, and fake when I look at this man. The gray brings sorrow and "normality". I feel the pressure the world has on humans to always be happy and to be like everyone eles. I feel the need and pain to hide ones self.
It makes me want to just go and rip that fake smile of his face. To peel off the artificial life on him, that life we force our selfs to create. I don't want him or anyone to sit by and hide the real pain of a fake smile and a fake life.
That man on this subway used to be himself. He was proud of who he was, what he was like. Maybe he used to be a nerd. He loved to play videogames and wanted to become a videogame creator.  But then he came into the "grown-up" world after college and was ridiculed for his "child" like hobbies and his want to make videogames. They told him it was not a real job, that it was silly, and that he should try something eles. After not finding a job in the field for months, and living an lonely year, he felt he had no choice but to change to the person everyone told him he should be.  So he now sits on a subway, hoping that someone will see this fake smile he has now created. That the world will see the true, terrified, and lonely soul, that survies underneath his ridiculous new face. Much to his distaste, not a soul notices or remarks this strange face he wears. He is now what they told him to be, fake, and it hurts.

"May all your bacon burn!", a quote said by the pesky fire demon in my favorite movie of all time and one of my favorite books, Howls Moving Castle. The animated movie based of Diana Wynne Jones amazing novel was created about 10 years ago in 2004 by the famous Japanese film company, Studio Ghibil. I watched Ghibil's version of the film about two years ago and fell I love with its touching love story and beautiful animation. The story is different, imaginative, and I can't help but adore the complex characters with their moments of Gothic humor. I am really big fan of the animated movie industry, and this is one the best I have ever seen.  You just never to old for a good, artistic, animated adventure.

Music has become such a part of life ever since I started playing the alto saxophone in 5th grade, and it has bloomed so much just in the past year after I came home from an arts camp in Michigan in the summer of 2012. There are many bands and songs that I listen to, but the thing that you would find the most in my iPod if you where to look would be soundtracks from movies. The symphonic and dynamic music of the movies has captured my heart and it is now what I listen to all the time. My soul seems to melt and leak through my whole body when a piece of soundtrack music hits its climax and I then release it through my eyes in the form of tears when it ends. Its the kind of music that soul needs on a daily bases, and there is so much of it that I never run out of soundtrack music to listen to. One of my favorite scores at the moment is a medley of scores from Forest Gump. This piece right now brings out the biggest amounts of emotion in me and I never get tried of it.

Two summers ago I had the chance of a lifetime, and I got to go the amazing Interlochen Camp of the Arts, and international camp in Michigan that taught all the arts including; visual arts, music, theater, movies, creative writing, and dance. This experience has truly changed my life and I had some of the most fond memories of my life created there.  I j got to do art almost 24 hours, or hear it/ see it, what could be better then that!  Never have I felt so free and myself other then those 3 weeks I was there. This camp taught me to love all the other arts and it also taught me that I really want art to be part of life, and I want it to echo through all my future.